Difficult situation - what do I do?!

Ask each other for help and advice!

Moderator: busybusybusy

Post Reply
ghostofpp
BRIT Award
Posts: 51
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2008 10:42 am

Difficult situation - what do I do?!

Post by ghostofpp » Thu Aug 11, 2016 9:58 pm

Deleted
Last edited by ghostofpp on Mon Nov 07, 2016 4:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.

lollypop
GRAMMY Award
Posts: 217
Joined: Sat Aug 03, 2013 5:58 pm

Re: Difficult situation - what do I do?!

Post by lollypop » Fri Aug 12, 2016 8:22 am

Hi. What a difficult position, very sorry.

On your qs. Can I check some things?

If the house is worth £340 then your mum would need to find £170, but if it's worth say £400 then wouldn't she need to find £200 to buy him out of his half of it if they are doing a 50:50 split? Is that right? maybe someone will correct me?

Also, if they haven't actually divorced yet, then if the inheritance arrives does that get included in the joint assets? I don't actually know.

Other than that, do your own options need to be mutually exclusive - ie couldn't you go to drama school and also continue to write your screen play?

And finally, as a mother I would want my kids to follow their dreams and build their futures. I would not want them to feel burdened by me if there were options available. So if it was me, no matter how much I wanted to stay in the house I would sell it and buy or rent something, near you/ your sister, so we could all move on. But that's just me.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

ghostofpp
BRIT Award
Posts: 51
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2008 10:42 am

Re: Difficult situation - what do I do?!

Post by ghostofpp » Fri Aug 12, 2016 9:44 am

lollypop wrote:Hi. What a difficult position, very sorry.

On your qs. Can I check some things?

If the house is worth £340 then your mum would need to find £170, but if it's worth say £400 then wouldn't she need to find £200 to buy him out of his half of it if they are doing a 50:50 split? Is that right? maybe someone will correct me?

Also, if they haven't actually divorced yet, then if the inheritance arrives does that get included in the joint assets? I don't actually know.

Other than that, do your own options need to be mutually exclusive - ie couldn't you go to drama school and also continue to write your screen play?

And finally, as a mother I would want my kids to follow their dreams and build their futures. I would not want them to feel burdened by me if there were options available. So if it was me, no matter how much I wanted to stay in the house I would sell it and buy or rent something, near you/ your sister, so we could all move on. But that's just me.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
Thanks so much for your thoughts -- really appreciate the response.

As far as I understand 170 is the sum left unpaid on the flexible mortgage...

Inheritance is potential, he hasn't got it atm. But even so, he's very capable of earning money. As always with these things, each side considers themselves to be in the right -- but, with what's happened, it's ridiculous of my dad not to let her keep the house I think

You're right re: doing both, but then still the money... One last hope is that I'd get funding for a place -- my friend at RADA explained that a few people got heavily subsidised places. Mysteriously no-one in her year is allowed to know where the £ is coming from

Yes, that's a sensible decision in most cases. However my mum has always put herself last. I don't think she's been happy (only for v brief periods) in the last 30, maybe 40 years. It's a horrific story and I won't relay it on here as takes ages, but I think she deserves to finally have her own space without being abused.

Irishdancer
OSCAR Award
Posts: 1541
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2007 5:33 pm

Re: Difficult situation - what do I do?!

Post by Irishdancer » Fri Aug 12, 2016 6:24 pm

Are there any children under 18 if so then she will be able to stay until the youngest is 18. Can they go to a mediator a lot of places do that so you don't have to go to court, I did that with my X it's much better if there are other people involved I did not want to but it helped. Also if the house is sold and both your mum and dad will get 1/2 so they can pay of the mortage then your mum can rent use the money to help when the money goes down to £15000 she can get help with the rent much harder to get help if you are paying of a mortage
When I was in my house I only paid £120 but could not get help but if I had rented would have had most of the rent paid even if the rent was over £900. When the money goes down to £6000 she can apply for Sickness pay. Good luck hope it all gets sorted

woody
BRIT Award
Posts: 91
Joined: Mon Aug 30, 2010 8:54 pm

Re: Difficult situation - what do I do?!

Post by woody » Sat Aug 13, 2016 9:42 pm

I think there are two completely different issues here.

No 1 - your mum needs to get a better solicitor. She can't be forced into accepting a 50/50 split and she could well be entitled to much more than that.

No 2 - you need to find out if you qualify for full student loan/maintenance loan if you do a degree course, and if the course is funded by the DaDa scheme, if you would qualify for the maximum there as well. Are you in England? If you look at the Student Finance England website, it is really helpful about student loans. There is also the possibility that you might qualify for a scholarship or bursary from your chosen training provider.

ghostofpp
BRIT Award
Posts: 51
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2008 10:42 am

Re: Difficult situation - what do I do?!

Post by ghostofpp » Sun Aug 14, 2016 5:00 pm

Irishdancer wrote:Are there any children under 18 if so then she will be able to stay until the youngest is 18. Can they go to a mediator a lot of places do that so you don't have to go to court, I did that with my X it's much better if there are other people involved I did not want to but it helped. Also if the house is sold and both your mum and dad will get 1/2 so they can pay of the mortage then your mum can rent use the money to help when the money goes down to £15000 she can get help with the rent much harder to get help if you are paying of a mortage
When I was in my house I only paid £120 but could not get help but if I had rented would have had most of the rent paid even if the rent was over £900. When the money goes down to £6000 she can apply for Sickness pay. Good luck hope it all gets sorted
We're both over 18 now. Yes trying to tell them to use a mediator.

Glad it ended well for you -- and that's interesting to read re: the money.

woody -- my mum got recommended the firm she's just consulted with by someone who's top of the field in London, apparently they're as good as it gets...

Moving house would be OK if she was healthy, and if she had a sliver of a support network. She has no family or friends here. Nobody. It's really hard to imagine to most in this day and age I know. I guess the isolation came from a language barrier and her total devotion to her family and home.

The way things are at the moment, I'm afraid for her life. All of this sounds so glib on a forum.

Re: student finance, because I've just done an undergraduate course, I don't qualify for funding for drama school. And I don't think I would even without a degree -- doesn't everyone need to fundraise for Guildhall/Drama Centre etc? I should research it more -- I hoped never to go to drama school because learned more from life and on set etc, but that was naive I guess

I'm so desperate to move out of home as I'm stagnating here, but afraid to abandon her

pg
OSCAR Award
Posts: 2091
Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:28 am

Re: Difficult situation - what do I do?!

Post by pg » Tue Aug 16, 2016 2:23 pm

If you're 23 or under you can get a DADA still even if you've had a student loan. I know some of the particulars have changed since I got one, but you can still get them. You can also get a hardship grant under some circumstances. Very definitely worth checking the particulars if you're young enough. https://www.gov.uk/government/publicati ... demic-year

If you are determined to help your mother financially, then to be brutally honest, you are very unlikely to be able to do that through acting or writing.
You might be able to do it - but statistically, it's an extraordinarily unlikely and risky venture. If what you are wanting to do is to be able to support just yourself while you look for acting and writing work - that's a different matter - it's what most actors do, hold down a job and look for acting work in between.

I don't think you can possibly solve this yourself. Are you absolutely certain that your mother understands everything she has been told by the solicitor? I wonder whether you could make an appointment together so that you are certain that you understand all the ramifications. If your mother is too frail to earn money, I would have thought that would make a difference to any settlement - though I'm no legal expert of course!

Wishing you all the very best with this. If you want to continue to discuss the via pm, please do - though I'm off travelling for a few days so internet access will be less reliable than usual.

Littlemum
GRAMMY Award
Posts: 100
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2012 10:43 pm

Re: Difficult situation - what do I do?!

Post by Littlemum » Thu Aug 18, 2016 11:18 pm

Hello
I'm afraid I can't add any words of wisdom here, but I just wanted to say good luck to you. You are dealing with an awful lot there and apparently on your own. As a 'littlemum' I am sure that your mum would not wish you to take on all her troubles for her, despite you clearly being very close. Talk to your mum and your friends and I really hope you will find your path and that your Mum's situation improves too.

Post Reply