really upset, I need some advice

[paulears]

The other good kids will be very happy with this - because it won't be just your son who has had enough!

The difference between making it formal and letting them sort is is a tricky one - because if it's formal, it has to be documented and investigated properly and can be very unpleasant for the staff. Hence why they try to get you to allow them to deal with it personally. It's for their benefit, not yours. It's very important to perhaps exchange views via email rather than phone because the contact is logged both ends, so what they say can't be bent.

I'm not trying to suggest they are doing anything wrong - but written records can be used against them by OFSTED, and there is a grade for management - which is very often a weak link.

It looks like you are making progress, and the little bit about the contract is really important - teaching isn't optional, that's what they get their funding for. Losing a few students will seriously hurt their income, hence why they're rather do the ostrich thing and keep it all nice if they can.

Keep up the good work.

Very often they try to keep the principal in the dark on purpose. That way if it goes wrong, he or she can say hand on heart they were not aware of the problem. It's a common tactic, which they use quite often. There is even a term for it - plausible deniability! If they try to edge a member of staff out, they keep the principal uninvolved so they can be if necessary, the final arbiter of 'justice'. When all along, they were crafty!

[Genevieve]

good, I'm glad these letters get seen by OFSTED this poor lad has suffered long enough (and incidences of bullying is totally beyond the pale!), and the teacher's done exactly what you say paulears, stuck their head in the sand, and her answer to it has been telling tikkas ds to @put up with it and keep quiet, tone yourself down@ ! Sorry that's just not good enough, the course is ticking on, time's passing and they should have addressed behaviour issues by those who clearly require disciplinary procedures in that class if they had a tutor there who was acting on behalf of everything that college says it stands by and for as regards behaviour, and who are supposed to be teaching to the standards they purport they are.
They have a duty of care to pupils who want to learn like tikkas ds, who clearly deserve and has a right to ! In these situations, a lot of parents of the keen students will be aware that the class has awol students in it, but sit back and hope someone else complains !
And continue giving letters in 'by hand' if there's more complaints ahead, but emailing the tutor to follow up is ok, but she could say she didn't get an email . The tutor should already have volunteered a follow up meeting with you of some sort (out of concern for your ds's welfare and learning !)
Personally, I would have sent a letter direct to the Principal making a formal complaint - purely on the basis that this tutor has done nothing but choose to resolve disruption in her class by telling able and keen pupils to dumb down their enthusiasm !! tikkas read the riot act to this tutor, and perhaps she'll get support and guidance by the college to deal with the idiots. if it was primary or secondary school I would ask to see the disciplinary procedure which you could ask to see ? they must have one from the college in the bumpf when your ds started ?

[In4aPenny]

Just wondering how the lesson went today?

[tikka]

Thanks son of pg

[quote="Son of PG"]Sorry for not being involved earlier. Excellent and varying advice from everyone. You must be a very angry and frustrated person, and I don’t blame you.


I'm not into acting so find it hard to understand how anyone could want to stay in his class, having lessons disrupted and being constantly picked on by a few yobs, just so he could do the course....but you are right. I asked him and he says 'I love the course. I want to complete it', he also said it would be a bonus if he could socialise with some of the class at lunchtimes without the yobs butting in to his convesations and treating him like sh*t, or finding they have posted disgusting comments about him on Facebook. If it was me I'd be out of there pronto, but its not about me, its about him, which is why I have now made such a fuss at college, just wish I'd known how bad it was and done it earlier.

Meanwhile he has just gone off to the 2nd weekend on the NYT course, so I know he will get his fix of 'good stuff' for the week. You are right about doing other drama things, he's does lots of stuff and after Easter will be at the Bristol Old Vic devising a new major production ready for the opening of the refurbished theatre. He has always been heavily involved in theatre and film work and Bristol is a great place for it. He gave up a weekly live radio show he did for 18 months with a friend because it clashed with college. He has done quite a bit of street performing, always within an organised group, but he is thinking of working on a solo piece.

Thanks for the offer of email chat.

Tikka

[tikka]

Thanks everyone, its great to hear your advice, support and encouragement. I needed you all to tell me it wasn't right and that I should do something about it, which you did. It's hard as a single parent and there's no other adult to support you.

Thanks in4apenny....
Friday went well. DS gave the letter in, which had already been read by the staff. Course leader and HOD (who doesn't teach class as he takes the foundation degree classes!) were both very supportive, spoke to ds before class in a private room, both were deeply shocked by the behaviour out of class and the level of victimisation that had been going on and promised to sort it out.

The morning session was an assessment with course leader, group improvisation, and ds was in a group of all nice people, so says it was good. Normally he gets put in a group with bad people because he is good at pulling the group through the work. In the afternoon they had the actor teacher who had all the trouble last week. The alfa male kept his head down and cooperated. The 3 girls, who are part of alfa males fan club and nasty pieces of work, were called out one by one and interviewed by the course leader, 1 returned to class but 2 weren't seen for the rest of the day. Then a few of the nice kids were called out and then returned. After class there was a lot of 'what was that all about?' comments, and texting to the bad girls to ask what was happening. One of the nice kids gave ds a lift to the station with a couple of other, normally he walks.

All the class, except ds, were invited to alpha males birthday camping sleepover party last night, so I expect they have all had plenty of time to swap notes. So, monday could be quite interesting!

thanks for reading.

tikka

[riverdancefan]

All the class, except ds, were invited to alpha males birthday camping sleepover party last night, so I expect they have all had plenty of time to swap notes. So, monday could be quite interesting!

thanks for reading.

tikka

ooooh I feel so flippin narked on your behalf - I feel like giving this muppet a good kick
well done to you Tikka, we are only a website but we are so ON your side !!!!

[paulears]

I really hate this alpha males stuff - God knows which psychology 'expert' started this off as a way to identify these idiots. Sure, it's accurate behavioralist theory - but I'm really VERY concerned that the colleges way of dealing with this is divisive, and is forcing people to take sides. Some will be strong enough to make their preference known and take individual action, but many will not want to be involved. I'm very concerned that what is happening is that it is the entire class vs your son. College can't control who gets invited camping, but they can control how they deal with it. In cases like this, singling out people for interview will wreck the group dynamics - which are so critical for group wok in this subject. The usual process is to do individual tutorials with each student, under the pretext of maybe assessment or career stuff - which is common, NOT single out people and do it this way. A totally insensitive and potentially dangerous plan. It won't do much to improve feelings.

However, it's done. The next step is re-integration. Frankly, the teachers should be looking at their plans and working out how to perhaps change what's coming up so as to get the group dynamic working again. This could be as simple as selecting a new piece of work to use - that perhaps makes the principal players need (note-not forced) into working cooperatively. It can be done - but needs the college to start acting in a professional manner. When I did my PGCE, I found the entire course really, really boring - apart from the bits to do with getting students to do things they don't want to. All the great techniques and crafty tips that make them work together creatively. It really is psychology, and it seems sadly lacking in how this college are managing the problem. Over-reaction and singling out people is 100% NOT the way this should be done - frankly, it's crazy and has a serious implication in that it can be destructive to the degree that getting people back together is impossible. Ironic really because it's Romeo and Juliet and Grease all over again!

[Genevieve]

I really hate this alpha males stuff - God knows which psychology 'expert' started this off as a way to identify these idiots. Sure, it's accurate behavioralist theory - but I'm really VERY concerned that the colleges way of dealing with this is divisive, and is forcing people to take sides.

I think in this case this lad is just an unengaged disrespectful rebellious bully who likes to show off to his peers, intimidate the weak or anyone who shows an iota of interest in getting on with their studies ! the bully must have been a nightmare all through his educational life and his secondary school didn't deal with him properly and now unfortunately he's just getting away with the same cr*p behaviour in further education.
I can't believe they did the @calling each kid out the classroom@ thing, that's primary school stuff used immediately after an incident ! - If they wanted to entice 'gang mentality' they're certainly going the right way about it in how they've dealt with this.
Facebook bullying is very serious, I had no idea they were going that far tikka - the whole class should just have been read the college's disciplinary policy and named and shamed those who were going to be given verbal warnings now, and who will be monitored from now on ! ..As for the party, and your ds not being invited, doubt he cares much anyway, but its just not nice to have to face that lot after they've spent the weekend gossiping about who could have complained and instigated all the colleges action
Good the engaged nicer teens are palling up with your ds. And great he's getting involved in other things out of college, hope he's ok next week..

[paulears]

One really good trick to deal with people like this is oddly not to say not cast them in the next thing - but tell the group that the next 'thing' is casting on merit, and then swing it to give the bullies the 'lead' role, but make sure that it's the kind of role that needs real help from others. These people are usually quite hopeless and the pressure on them means they suddenly realise the need the others to get through - or they have a hissy fit and leave! After all - the only punishment a college have is chucking them out - which they hate to do, but if this person left, then the teachers would not try too hard to council him out of it - which of course with money at stake is what they're supposed to do. It's quite fun to see these people crumple up when the pressure is put on them. That sounds dreadful, doesn't it? Just has to happen sometimes.

[tikka]

Gosh, reading the last few posts makes everything sound dreadful but its not that bad. Its not 1 child against a whole class full of bullies!

There are nice lads in the group who are friends with my son, and he's with them when he can be, but often the bad ones just but in , or ds walks down to the shops with his friends and the bad ones join them, and then the bad one start the nasty comments cos they think its funny. At that point some of the nice ones just clam up and cringe, but some think its funny too so laugh and then that encourages it to continue. Ds's friends too are fed up with the bad behaviour ruining the lessons. A couple of them have asked my son how he puts up with the constant jibes and nasty comments. They have also intervened when its gone too far ( whatever that means).

The main problem is really 1 boy and 3 girls, and if they had been disciplined at the start and made to see their behaviour was unacceptable it could have been an ok group, but the teachers don't like confrontation so they decribe bullying as 'banter'. If the boy could control his mouth, ego, temper and attitude problem, and the 3 girls didn't keep trying to impress him by being nasty, then ds thinks it could be a good group. I don't, despite it all, think these kids are really hard cases - they just needed a firm hand instead of total freedom. The group are also not very well informed, which annoys ds. In an activity they were asked to list all the key roles in producing a piece of theatre or a film. The class got as far as producer and director, then got stuck...... DS hates the fact that its an acting course and most of the class have no interest in acting. They went to see a play and some of them moaned because they hate going to see plays!

DS wouldn't have gone to the party, too busy and fairly fussy about how he spends his leisure time, getting p*ssed in a field in the freezing cold with people you don't like is not for him! Perhaps it will have given them time to chat about it and realise its not right, maybe they will be reformed characters on monday

Calling them out of class may sound primary schoolish, but then its very primary schoolish behaviour picking on people cos you don't like them. The teachers have tried the sitting round in a circle and discussing it like adults bit but no one is honest, or brave enough, to name and shame or say what they want to say so that doesn't work either. Most people just want a quiet life so put up with a lot before they do anything. I'm fairly sure the nice kids that were called out will have been truthful about how bad the others are.

When I've spoken to the teacher about the lad and how he disrupts lessons the replies usually suggest he is a lot better now than he was at his last school, so they are quite pleased that there's been an improvement. And yes, Paulears, he usually gets a lead part in the shows....unfortunately usually a part where he has to shout at people, lose his temper, bully people, and generally be himself!

The group haven't been working well together. For the last production they made so little progress in the weeks leading up to the performance that the tutor cancelled half term holiday and called them all in to rehearse for 4 days....and,no, they didn't all turn up, but then ds didn't go either as he had already booked to spend a week devising some new work at the theatre.

If the 4 ring leaders were to genuinely apologise and actively work towards making up for what they have done then I know ds will be ok with that. He is not vindictive, he's not for having them booted out of college....can't say the same for me though.

tikka

[In4aPenny]

Oh no, the timing with the 'King's' party is dreadful but you can't do much about that. I agree pulling them out of the classroom one by one is really really bad psychology. They should have been given appointment times or other times.

Fingers crossed it works.

It reminds me of when the most popular boy in the school year - was actually not only very amusing to his peers but a sneaky bully. He knew his status and would actually ask his peers if they wanted to be in his 'gang' and they always said yes, so then he'd say that had to do something (of a bullying nature) to one particular boy to be allowed in his gang and they always complied then all guffawed about it. What a revolting child he was and no doubt will be a revolting adult. The pupils were desperate for his adoration. Pathetic.

[paulears]

The Lord Voldermort style of schooling!

[tikka]

think we are more into 'The Breakfast Club' approach!

[tikka]

Progress report; Monday

Ds has gone off to college OK. Had a great weekend with the NYT, and put on a brilliant performance taster of new devised work.

I hadn't been contacted by college so phoned to ask what was happening:

One girl has been suspended from class due to her Facebook comment, and will be interviewed on Tuesday.

The Head of Faculty and Learning Services are spending Tuesday interviewing everyone following on from Friday's initial inquiries.
Apparently those kids responsible for the victimisation felt justified in doing so because ds had given them some negative feedback in class during a group feedback session, which annoyed them so they thought they'd pay him back. Very professional!

Be interesting to see what ds says about today when he gets home.

thanks for you, sorry to bang on about it for so long

tikka

[tikka]

Just wanted to let you all know things seem to be sorted out!

Learning Services took over, initially suspended one, disciplined another. They spent a lot of time with the group (minus ds) analysing their behaviour until they got to the point where they accepted what sh*ts they had been and showed they wanted to put it right. Others in the group were also feeling threatened and so to cope with it all said nothing in class and kept their heads down, whilst the others got more and more out of hand.

DS went in on friday and had a great day with everyone being cooperative and pleasant. The tutors had been out of college all week on a trip, so they start back today with a changed class! If there is any recurrence then L S will go back in, call in parents. kick
kids out. They are also going to take the tutors to task for not dealing with it months ago when they were alerted to problems. etc

I am so proud of ds for standing up to the bullies. He has had a painful time but wasn't driven out! He went off smiling this morning

And a big thankyou for all your support on here.

Tikka