So frustrated for DD

[Katymac]

She got a place at a dance school on a trial. She needed to 'fit in' and 'get on' with the other children; the other children are a minimum of 2 years younger than her and up to nearly 4 years younger for some.

So she has been 'fitting in' & 'getting on' - standing at the back (as she is tall & they can't see past her), letting them ask the questions because the questions she would ask were beyond them, not answering questions because it was 'nicer' to let the little ones answer

I did not know this had been going on

& yesterday a tutor, DD & I had a chat about how they expected so much 'more' from her; she needed to ask/answer questions, put herself forward and work harder

The silly child had even been holding back so she didn't make the others look bad

She has a week to turn it all around so she can move on

[riverdancefan]

Is this really the right place for your DD?
It's a horrible situation for her.... Not sure I would want to put my DS through this @fitting in" stuff.....

[Flosmom]

How lovely of your DC to work so hard at fitting in. She must be a very kind and considerate girl.

But 'fit' is a two-way thing. I'm with riverdancefan on this - is the school the best fit for your DD? If she is having to dumb herself down, maybe he needs to be with a group that is stretching and encouraging her?

Unless there is something remarkable about the school that you haven't mentioned, I think I'd be looking elsewhere for somewhere that matches your DD's capability and applauds her kindness to others.

Good luck to her...and to you too. You work hard to support your DD and deserve some applause too

Deb x

[riverdancefan]

How lovely of your DC to work so hard at fitting in. She must be a very kind and considerate girl.

But 'fit' is a two-way thing. I'm with riverdancefan on this - is the school the best fit for your DD? If she is having to dumb herself down, maybe he needs to be with a group that is stretching and encouraging her?

Unless there is something remarkable about the school that you haven't mentioned, I think I'd be looking elsewhere for somewhere that matches your DD's capability and applauds her kindness to others.

Good luck to her...and to you too. You work hard to support your DD and deserve some applause too

Deb x

Absolutely , one of us mums in a million !!!!! ANd you can sew!!

[Katymac]

Oh bless you both

She is thinking this week (she is on a GCSE school trip) & when she comes back she needs to decide whether it's worth pulling her finger out & working like buggery for the week to see if they move her up to her own age group.

It's a lot to expect of a girl to change a years worth of learnt behaviours in a week & she will have to do a lot of it on day 1 as it's auditions

Well it's her decision

[paulears]

I'm confused - if there is a chance of moving her up to a group of the same age, why was she in the class 4 odd years below her? Surely she should have been in the correct group from the start? Kids mature so rapidly, that being in a group with younger kids must have been soul destroying. I'm guessing it may have been because her own age group class was in skill level, beyond her, perhaps because of their previous experience? It sounds like as soon as she started to progress and moved forward, they should have moved her. I think I'd be talking to them and finding out what can be done?

[Katymac]

She is feeling confident she can change her behaviour in a week; I am less so

[emypeach]

I completely agree with what Flosmom said. In my opinion, unless there is a particular reason that you both like that school then I think you should be looking elsewhere for somewhere that rewards her kindness and thoughtfulness and somewhere that meets her standard of dancing.

E x

[funnygirl]

This does seem to be a very odd situation and ou have to consider if it is right for her. Whilst obviously everyone does have to fit in etc it would be more usual for a dance school to base the trial on dance ability and only mention social aspects if they are a problem! Is it a full time school and how long has the trial been? It sounds like she obviously wants to be there as she has tried so hard to do what she thought they wanted but it does not sound like a fair trial to me. Maybe time to look around?

[DanceDiva]

Goodness what a dilemma !
Its an awfully big ask to need to change your DD behaviour in a week and must be so hard doing for a year what she thought was right only to find she wasnt 'doing it right' all along. Im sure someone should have mentioned this before now and it comes to crunch time !
There's 2 years between my DD's and they struggle to communicate at the best of times ( ho-hum ) so to be with children 4 years younger when she is, I'm presuming a teenager, must have been incredibly difficult - she sounds like a beautiful caring young lady but I think the school have let her down in not picking this up sooner.

She must have potential for them to have taken her on so I'd be looking at somewhere that wont leave her floundering in the 'baby class' and maybe help her with private / one to one tuition to help her catch up instead of her having to change her whole personna for them.
Im dont mind my DD having to 'fit in' but not if it means she has to change her whole peronality to fit in.
Blimey, my DD is having a daily identity crisis at the minute so a massive to your DD for copping thus far.

Sending huge hugs to you and her for the right decision and the right outcome - please let us know how she gets on xx

[Katymac]

It is a really hard decision. I think the best thing is to let here to the full week (next week) which is with a big choreographer & see what happens

If nothing else she gets the experience of that week iyswim

I wish children (teenagers) came with a manual

[beanie-bean]

I think its a bit unfair to expect her to 'change' in 1 week. I wonder why the tutor didn't have a word earlier, or why the tutor didn't encourage your dd to speek up in class. Also I thought dance teachers moved their pupils around constantly so in a lesson each child spends time at the front, middle and back. I feel sorry for your dd, I think she's been treated badly, and now she's been told SHE needs to change. Ooooooh, I'm getting cross just thinking about it. xxx

[Katymac]

I think the biggest issue for me is that all her 'other' teachers couldn't correlate DD at this school with the DD they saw.

Goodness I am really going on about it now; but I kept getting puzzled looks when I was talking about her 'lack' of progress.....from up to 4 dance teacher (school dance teachers/ ballet teachers). I am of course beating myself up as I 'should have known' what was going on

DD says she doesn't have to change she just has to stop what she was doing.....we will see

She is 14 btw & going into Yr10 in September- she has her head screwed on right and is waiting for her grades in Btec Dance (oh & Science but she isn't really bothered by that) Grade 2 tap is approaching (started at Easter) and Bronze Modern (started in September - but was concentrating on Ballet then) she did her Grade 5 Ballet in 8 months from virtually no Ballet at all - so I think she knows how to work

& she is really excited by the idea of working with this choreographer next week

[Katymac]

Tomorrow is THE day

I'm terrified

[letitshine]

good luck x let us know how it goes x