Awkwardness

[ghostofpp]

This is slightly unusual and a little bit embarrassing, since everyone on here seems to be doing so well with really good agents etc., but I do hope someone out there will be able to help!

Will try and keep this as short as I can: recently, I have noticed how terribly awkward I am when I act. Acting is something I really don't want to give up on, but I just don't know how it's possible to progress when my skills aren't improving and I look absolutely awful when I do it. I took a suggestion from someone here and filmed myself doing a monologue several times - and was horrified. Of course, when you watch yourself on camera it's different, but my eyes were just empty and the way I delivered the lines, no matter how much I mixed it up, sounded rather unconvincing. This is something Abacus mentioned when they rejected me after an audition 2 years ago, and after I failed to get representation with another top agent last year who seemed very interested before they saw me act, I thought that I really need to sort this out and want my next audition to be 'the one'. It's not even like I'm totally inexperienced, I'm just generally socially awkward, sticking out like a sore thumb so I guess it affects my acting too. Has anyone ever experienced this before? How do I get rid of this awkwardness and become 'real' when I do it? Or, if I am asking this, does that mean I lack talent altogether? It's been really, really getting me down and I'd give anything to conquer it

EDIT: Forgot to mention I've since then got an agent but again, attend castings regularly and never hear back. So I know the problem lies in me...

[pg]

May I ask how old you are?

I think this is something you can definitely improve with help and direction. Lots and lots of amateur/inexperienced actors would probably find exactly the same as you if they filmed a monologue, in fact even some experienced actors might find the same thing. It can be very difficult to be completely truthful and alive when you know you are being filmed - especially if you have no-one to act with. Filming a monologue is a really artificial thing to do and not something you would be likely to have to do once you were hired! However, it's a useful skill, and one you could probably learn.

I think you might find it really helpful to get an experienced acting coach to work with you. I suspect that you are either over-thinking your performances or you haven't done enough preparation. You have to be able to lose yourself completely and be "in the moment" and if there is even the slightest hint that you are searching for lines in your head, the camera will pick this up. Similarly the camera will pick up any "acting" rather than being. If you are demonstrating how you feel, the camera is very unforgiving. If you could find a coach to work with you, get you to try various exercises and film them, you could then anayse them together and see what can be done to improve.

[ghostofpp]

Thanks so much for the advice pg...as per usual extremely helpful and has been taken readily on board!

I'm 18... With regards to the monologue filming, I agree it's not natural and what made it worse was that I tried to do it quietly so my family wouldn't hear, so I guess I was too busy trying to do that than getting into character and 'letting go'! When I'm on stage, I lose myself like you said and it comes freely, if only agents could see me then I guess the title of this should be changed to "awkwardness when performing monologues"!

[pg]

It sounds to me as though you are being a bit hard on yourself!

Filming a monologue in the circumstances you describe would make it hard for anyone to give a great performance. When you see performances on screen you are very often witnessing a) experience b) great production values c)an editor's choice of the best bits.

Most actors who audition for drama schools have never done any screen acting.

Many agents go to see actors in stage productions or theatre showcases.

Many adult actors have done far more stage than screen work.

Are you hoping to make your living from acting (not that many actors will ever manage to make their livings entirely from acting- but I guess you know what I mean)? Are you thinking of trying to get more training/experience? Are you thinking of applying to drama schools?