Very Frustrated Drama Teacher

[tillymintflip]

I need some parental advice....

I'm putting on a production in 2 weeks of a musical with over 130 children involved ranging in age from 3-14. The children are divided between 8 classes and this weekend we are having 2 rehearsals (one in the dance studio to put all the classes together and one at the theatre for tech and dress).

I sent a letter home with all the children in February with a clear rehearsal schedule stating that these rehearsals were the compulsory ones and I need everyone there as they're the only 2 days we get to slot the whole show together. We even have principals in different classes that haven't met each other yet!

It's now a week before the dress rehearsals and i'm getting messages every 5 minutes off parents with different excuses for why their child won't be there this weekend. My rule has always been strictly if you don't do the dress rehearsal you don't do the show. I've been lenient and those who spoke to me in February and explained they had pre-booked activities that couldn't be rearranged that weekend, have been excused. But I must have around 60 parents now messaging me about swimming galas, ballet exams, parties, trips to alton towers, pony rallies and everything else under the sun!

I'm running around like a headless chicken this week organising a million things to make sure this show happens and feeling really frustrated that every 5 minutes i'm facing another battle.

I am really tempted to put my foot down and say that anyone who did not let me know in advance and doesn't have a genuine reason for missing the rehearsal will be excluded from the show. I think i'm going to seriously annoy quite a few parents by doing this but at the same time other parents have made huge sacrifices to make sure their child is always at the dress rehearsal and think they would be just as annoyed if i didn't.

How do you think I should respond to all these parents?!

Any advice appreciated!! x

[2girlsmum]

What a difficult situation to be in.

It's a catch 22 if you're not careful. If you let them get away with it they will continue to do it again and again. If you could manage the show without those who don't have a really valid excuse and not spoken to you beforehand, I personally would not let them perform as it would send a clear message that it won't be tolerated. It's very sad for the children who will have to miss out but if nothing is done nothing will change for the future.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you get wonderful performances at the weekend.

[TalyaB]

Can you leave the offenders out of some significant numbers so that they got the point but they're still in the show - and their parents still buy the tickets and come and watch and children and parents can see what they've missed out on?

[pg]

I would be inclined to stick to the agreed rules. If they can´t do the specified rehearsal then they can´t be in the show. The families then have the option to miss the show or miss the swimming galas etc. They simply can´t do both. These sorts of choices happen all the time for busy families - and you made the rules clear at the start. The children can then make the decision about what they want to miss.

I know the decision will be unpopular with families - but that´s not your fault. (but then I can be a miserable old gimmer)

I am well aware of the organisation involved in this kind of thing!

[CatKat_0]

I would also stick to the rules - it's a shame for the kids but if you let them get away with it, others will follow. We had this with a recent show my DD was in - we attended all the rehearsals except one (which we couln't attend and notified in advance) and one little boy in quite a lead role probably attended less than 50%, leaving some of the boys that could have performed his role, quite upset.

Hope you get it sorted out, whatever you decide - sounds a tough decision....

[islandofsodor]

I'm having the same issues. Show on Sunday dress/tech Saturday. Two schools 8 classes involved.

The never of people who were away for the last separate rehearsal was stupid.

Back in January a mum approached me about her dd being in another show on the Saturday offering not to be in ours. I said I could sort it for her group.

Anyway last week I pulled one of our youngest members from a dance because she couldn't catch up the ones she missed.

[islandofsodor]

My own dd is missing her Year 6 leavers party to attend the rehearsal this weekend too. And she's leaving all her school friends behind to go off to vocational school.

[DQsMum]

As a punter rather than a teacher...and with a busy dd...I am trying think of how I would play it....

after discovering we can't logistically do everything in life...I would make a choice and stick by it, so if I chose gala over dress rehearsal, I would know the consequences...

each parent has made their mind up which event is more important in THEIR eyes...but perhaps misjudged the importance of a dress-rehearsal for a fluid and satisfying show - for both audience and performers.

I think you should stick to the rules, no Dress R without decent excuse, early notice/ emergency, then no show...or if concerned that parents may 'walk' away with their business, then Talya B's minor part only might be a suitable compromise. That would be a hard argument for a parent to win, if they haven't put the hours in.

Perhaps next year explain the relevance of Dress R to parents in terms of it not just being a 'name'/ hoop to jump through...and/or call your dress R a 'Workshop Performance'

Good Luck.

[tillymintflip]

I've quoted the original letter on our website and then explained all my reasoning logically and calmly so that everyone can understand why I have stipulated compulsory attendance.
I've then said if people choose not to attend they are withdrawing their child from the show and that's their choice. I've also said we will very much take children's commitment to our productions on board for next time we are choosing principal roles as i'm not going to choose a child for a lead role if they ditched the dress rehearsal for a rollerskating party the week before the show!

It's exhausting answering every text message knowing you've got to have another argument with someone!

I think sometimes parents can forget how big a theatre is to a 3,4 or 5 year old and when they drop them off and all of a sudden they're running onto a stage with a load of children that they don't know and have lots of people looking at them and they don't know where they're supposed to be - it can be really overwhelming for them. I think sometimes the parents forget how seriously little ones take these things and how seriously the other children do as well. Particularly if drama is one of 10 activities that their child does and not something they take very seriously as a parent.

I don't think I would feel comfortable having young children in that position where they are overwhelmed and tearful as a result cause they'll just end up crying and not performing anyway!

Thank you for all the advice! x

[SM7]

.

[Livy2]

Hi,

I think as the person in charge you are right in the way you are applying the rules. We've been in the situation where we had to pull DD out at the beginning of a run of rehearsals and we did this because we felt it unfair if DD didn't give it 100% and we knew how strongly the director would feel if we kept saying 'DD is doing whatever'. We are in the situation this term of running from one thing to the next and it's not all been smooth and in one week DD was in constant tears, thoroughly told off by her Agent, the Director of an adult Am-dram she was in and getting messages from her ballet teacher all because she should have been with them and the times overlapped. It was very upsetting for her but she is big enough to have this pointed out to her and I hope she learnt a lesson from it. Having just had the ballet show this weekend, and being at the dress rehearsal a couple of weeks ago, it was surprising how many little ones cried at both the rehearsal and before the show but once they went on stage, they all did themselves credit and I think this is because they had had the benefit of being in the theatre and rehearsing long enough. Certainly our ballet teacher must have the patience of a saint!

[Flosmom]

Gosh, what a difficult time for you.

I'm recalling the Woody Allen quote '90% of success is turning up'.

Flo noticed early on that one of the 'big girls' in her theatre school often got important roles. It became clear early on that, although other girls were talented, this particular young woman was also totally reliable - she 'turned up'. She was absolutely solid in her performances because she worked hard and rehearsed thoroughly. She could be relied upon to carry other kids through who were less prepared.

I think that's a great lesson for kids to learn.

So I would stick to your rules. Unless there is a 'breathing scenery' moment that the unrehearsed kids can carry off, it's simply not fair to those who have made the necessary sacrifices to fulfil their commitment to the show, their fellow performers and you.

Just another point (sorry I'm banging on a bit here). A short time ago I was talking to someone who runs theory tests for learner drivers. The rules are that if you don't turn up on time you can't take the test. He commented that many young people simply don't understand this because they are used to having rules bent and changed to suit them. Especially if they kick off and cause a fuss. So there's some learning that 'no means no' too - isn't there?

Good luck - let us know how you get on

Deb x

[michbv]

I wish there was a "like" button on here like facebook! I agree, you get better respected in the long run if you stick to the rules you set. Good luck x


www.starnow.co.uk/adambeaver

[SNN]

I once had to miss a key rehearsal for a show but for an audition and considering that I had been to every other rehearsal and had known my lines long before most people, I was let off.
This was a special case.
Last year one girl missed many rehearsals and she was a lead role, it made me very upset as I had tried hard to get the role (small alice) but, in the end, it came down to looking like the main Alice. In the end she was kicked off the production and instead it was given to a girl who missed out on the role but had been to every rehearsal and knew the lines. She was amazing at it and probably even better than the girl originally cast!
Sometimes tough decisions need to be made for 'the greater good' but sometimes the excuse may be good enough and if they told you about it a reasonable amount of time before.
Roller skating parties can be missed.......

[tillymintflip]

This has all made me feel a million times better!

I've let off some children who are doing grammar prep exams, some who have ballet exams who are going and coming back, drama exams who are going and coming back, Brownie pack holiday that was booked before we announced the date of the dress rehearsal and I'm in a catch 22 as I encouraged some of my students to audition for a local production of Annie.

They auditioned 92 children and recalled 26.... 10 of the 26 recalled are my students and out of the 6 recalled for Annie - 3 of them are my students!

So i've negotiated with them for them to leave for their recalls as late as possible! i'm not totally unflexible i'ts just when I've had conversations with other parents and they've told me both their children are available and then they turn around and tell me 5 days before hand that they aren't available any more because they've got a bbq or a party or a swimming lesson.... it drives me crackers!

I'm sure Saturday will bring some tensions with some parents but i've made my position clear and some have already apologized and said their child will now be there.

I'm going to continue with my castle building, lighting plans, enchanted rose making and picking up 3 million villager outfits! To be fair to all my principals they are well rehearsed and sounding fantastic so i'm hopeful it will be a great show x